Blog Post: In my most vulnerable

There is no doubt that my past weeks spent in self-isolation have invoked many moments of self-reflection. Being in the comforts of my childhood home surrounded by my loving family, there is comfort in knowing that regardless of the chaotic outside world, I have my family and home as a safety net. I find this to be of the greatest luxury during these times and am infinitely grateful for my situation. Yet, the uncertainty of the foreseeable future, let alone the next 24 hours, causes moments of increased anxiety and sadness. Nights spent up unsure of where I will be both physically and mentally in the coming seasons occur more than once a week. When these heightened moments of worry occur, I try to come back to my gratitude and just be thankful that in that current moment, I am safe. When this happens, I think back to times in my recent life where I have felt vulnerable and longed for the comforts of my loving home and family. Although I deeply enjoy the adventures and forced independence that college in the city has provided me with, there are numerous times when I am stripped of any tangible comforts and left raw and vulnerable. I do believe these moments are what build me and push me along my path to growth, but I notice that within these times I crave being transported back to my childhood home not having to go anywhere or talk to anyone besides my family. Ironically, here I am, in the fantasy of my increased anxiety-induced state. Now, being in that sometimes longed for the situation, I realize that it was not just the physical environment that provided me with comfort. Rather, being vulnerable in isolation has caused me to want endless love and reassurance. In essence, my home is more than just the built environment or location, it is the thing that provides me with comfort in knowing that everything will be alright and that there is love waiting for me, ready to patch me back up for the next adventure.